 | Say Goodnight To Insomnia |
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Question: Insomnia anyone?It's late,and there's no hope in sightI wakenfrom this fitful nightOf sleepWhere dreams have filled my soulAnd leftWithin my mind(a hole)Wherein all doubts and fearsdo liedisturbs my slumberbye & byecreating new illusions clearAllowing restno longerhere! &%@*XThis was written during a period of insomnia brought on by a painful divorce. I originally arranged the words in a Z form on the printed page connecting it to snoring - happy for you all to pull it to pieces - if you read it aloud at a pace (as in pacing up and down while awake with insomnia) in a sort of staccato fashion it sort of works -
Answer: No punctuation, disjointed lines of what seems to be meaningless phrases in one gigantic run-on sentence. I feel your lack of sleep, been there, done that, as the saying goes, but as a poem? I'm still looking for it. As I keep saying, hitting return at inopportune times does not poetry make.Arrange the words so that they do not staccato, but flow with a rhythm that makes it easy to read. When it's hard to read, many won't read but maybe the first 4 lines and go on to something else. Give it some commas and a period of two to give us pausing points. Just as you pace to and fro, you walk with cadence. If you walked like this is written you would surely fall and get hurt. Just as your steps need cadence, so does the writing. Don;t give up your day job yet, but don't quit writing. After all, mistakes are the foundations of perfection.
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